Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I think your mom may be playing you. My guess is that she has no intention of getting a divorce.
Years ago my mother tried to get me to agree that she was doing my father a favor by staying married to him. She claimed she wanted to divorce him, but couldn't afford to because she couldn't pay the mortgage on the house by herself. I would not say what she wanted me to say. When one parent tries to get you to talk negatively about the other parent, you are being played. That's what I believe.
Your father got all upset because he felt pressured into considering a job opportunity. This disturbed him because he doesn't want to get a job. That's the way he's been living and he doesn't want to change.
I predict your parents will still be married 5 years from now.
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This ^!!! so much this ^!!!
Both of my parents tried to talk **** about each other to me to get me to side with them and cause the other pain...this was YEARS before they finally got a divorce. Then years later, my dad tried to tell me that he never wanted a divorce, that he had loved my mother very dearly. All I could think was ********. You didn't want a divorce because it meant you lost control, not because you loved her or us. If the marriage he modeled is what love is, then I hope I never fall in love.
But, the fact of the matter is, that that's is not what love it. Love is being heard and understood. Love is trust. Love is feeling safe. Love is feeling warm and light. (This is actually a definition from a 12 step group I go to, and I find it to be a very good definition.)
I also doubt your parents will get a divorce. I also feel sorry for your dad, because it appears that your mom has alienated you from him. Think about it...how old were you the first time she confided in you about it? Or had a discussion with you about your father outside of his presence? I'm guessing it didn't just start yesterday. Especially since your 14 year old sister is also part of these conversations. (I really don't know what experience and life perspective your 14 year old sister is giving to your mom making this important decision.)
Here is the deal, if your father is being violent, call the cops. If he is behaving in a way that is violent and scary, call 911 and get a psych eval.
I'm sorry this is happening in your family. It is really scary to deal with parents who behave this way. But you need to get your head out of it and get help for yourself so you can have healthy relationships and a healthy family someday. Otherwise you will model this same behavior to your kids.
Seesaw