Oh, wow, a lot of things. Okay. I’m not going to try to address all of them, but I will say this: I’m not at their home that often, so I do not really know what extent my sister is involved in all of this, but nevertheless, our gut feeling is that the two really are unhappy with each other and hindering each other from living fulfilling lives. I don’t think my mother wants her involved at all, nor do I think she wanted me aware of it as early as I was... but you can’t exactly cover up that kind of vicious shouting and aggressive displays with, “Ohh, he’s just having a bad day.” As a child, my sister definitely lacks sight of some of what’s there, but I do think children are often smarter than we give them credit for and it doesn’t take a wholy developed person to realize something is very wrong here. There definitely is a lack of communication where my dad is involved... namely, because he is either unwilling to communicate or unable to, or both. And while it does make me feel sorry for him, it does not change everything else. I do care deeply about him and I can tell he is unhappy. His periods of rage have grown more frequent over the past few years and he’s grown more apathetic, which should seem conflicting yet are both happening.

As it turns out, while it probably would benefit my mother to see a therapist, it seems that is also not so simple. While those in charge at the hospitals she works at cannot discriminate too obviously against those who show signs of needing mental support, they can do it subtly. Mental illness and decreasing mental health carries a stigma with it, and that is especially prevalent in the medical field because it is such a high-stress environment. They might not outright let you go for it, but when it comes time to make decisions if someone needs to be cut loose, they will look at such persons less favorably. And my mother does not want to find herself in that situation.

She does plan to meet with a family lawyer and get a better picture of the situation. Idk if siding is the right word to use when it comes to talks with her... to be honest, my father does a pretty good job of turning people away himself. It doesn’t mean we see him as a horrible person - in fact, he’s redeemable in some ways, which is probably why it’s been so hard to give him up. On the contrary, I don’t think he’s a bad person, but being around the person who was a source of a lot of negative feelings for him and prevented him, for whatever reason, from having a lot of control has not been good for him. I see a divorce as an opportunity for them both.

Maybe you are right and a divorce truly won’t come of it, though I hope it won’t sound too horrible if I say I hope that it does. I will say that we have had discussions like this before, and it does feel different this time around. Perhaps my sister and I’s involvement is not ideal, but in the end we cannot “control” or force my mom into anything. And while a marriage is two people, a family is considerably more in this case, and like it or not a divorce affects everyone. I understand where that concern is coming from, and I don’t thank my mother for venting to me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be glad if it motivates her into doing what she feels has to be done.

I understand your stories, and I feel for you... but upon reading them, my immediate instinct told me that this is not the case here. And upon thinking further, I find I agree with it. And while I appreciate the concern, I think it is somewhat rude to assume that I will turn out like this too. I understand that it comes out of concern, but you really don’t know me well enough to say something like that.