I think you've completely missed the point that you should not be having these conversations with your mother about her divorce. They're called boundaries. When she starts to bring up her marriage, it would be best and healthiest for you to ask her to not discuss it with you. And yes, while children can be very insightful, it's still horribly abusive to ask a child of 14 to engage in a conversation about her parents' marriage. It affects their emotional development and asks them to conspire against one parent, which is what your mother is doing by having conversations with you and your sister about whether or not she should get a divorce. You don't even see how your mother has alienated you from your father by engaging you in these discussions. You are blind to it. I suspect you like it because it makes you feel in control and powerful over your father, so you refuse to see that it's inappropriate for you to engage in those discussions. And let's be clear, you aren't having a family meeting to discuss your father's health and his need to be hospitalized or how you are going to get him treatment or an intervention or anything. You have met up to talk about whether or not your mother should get a divorce. Their marriage is none of your business.

As for the medical field, your mother should know as well as any of us that the stigma of mental illness is just that: a stigma. But just seeking therapy for a situation is not having a mental illness, and to suggest that doctors and nurses don't go to therapy either for actual mental health disorders or just for relationship issues is ludicrous. And to suggest that they would lose their job for seeing a therapist a few times to deal with relationship issues? Seriously? Your mother is feeding you a line there. Explain to me how her employer would even know? HIPPA laws prevent them from knowing. She's feeding you a line to keep her from having to deal with it and further get your on her side. There are SO many reasons a person might see a therapist other than themselves actually having a diagnosed mental health disorder. They could have a child with a disorder or syndrome that they need help managing, or another family member, they could be doing marriage counseling to improve communication skills, they could have performance anxiety, which can happen to anyone in any field, they could just need someone to talk to...seeing a therapist doesn't automatically mean there is something wrong with you, and most medical professionals know that. I'm surprised your mother would suggest otherwise, unless she's trying to manipulate you, which I suspect she is.

I mean, have you ever been in a workplace? It's illegal to ask questions about health to an employee. Plus, I go to therapy once every week or every other week, and I never had to disclose what my medical appointments were to my employer. I scheduled them on lunch breaks or after work, and it was no one's business but my own. And it's not like she would have to see a therapist who works at the same facility that she works. What she is telling you is just not true. Do you know how many doctors, nurses, and caregivers have actual mental health disorders, not just see a therapist to deal with communication issues, but full blown disorders? There are tons of members on this site alone who work in the medical field.

I think your mother is doing what she feels she needs to do to protect herself. She may not even realize she's doing it. It worries me that you don't think discussing her marriage with you is a problem. It sort of suggests how long this type of alienating behavior has been going on.

Yes, it's clear your father needs help. And if that's the discussion you need to have as a family, then have that discussion. But stay out of your mother's marriage problems. And try and keep your sister out of them too.

Good luck,
Seesaw