That's good, you were able to answer my question and share a sensitive area you have noticed about yourself.

Sometimes, what can happen is that a toxic parent or constant exposure to someone toxic can unknowingly create skills in being around these kind of individuals and one can end up in relationships with these same kind of individuals not even realizing one has turned into the kind of person these individuals like to have around them.

One of the things I have noticed about myself is that because I can be attentive, I have attracted individuals who's needs and feelings are more important to them then them being able to respect my needs too. Individuals who have more narcissistic leaning personalities tend to need to have THEIR feelings take precedent and they don't really know how to listen. These individuals tend to "judge and criticize" and "instruct" more than have the skills to "listen and consider the self esteem and identity and values others have".

If someone grows up with a mother or even father who constantly treats them to feel their needs are a bother it's natural that this child would end up learning to feel "guilt and shame" for having needs they need help with.

A lot of the individuals I come across that struggle with complex PTSD tend to be more sensitive to the needs of others, well, that is because that is how they had to survive in the family environment they grew up in, often having to learn the needs of the parent and focus on that MORE then themselves to at least get SOME attention.

You have talked about being more assertive, and while that is a good skill to develop, often that doesn't work when it comes to an individual who leans towards having a higher degree/level of narcissism. That is because these individuals need to experience that they are more important and always right.

What this does is it sets an individual who was raised to feel their needs and feelings are not important is when that individual experiences something traumatic, they are more likely to self blame and feel guilt and get emotionally overwhelmed. And, they experience feeling very ALONE.

When I was at my worst and began getting suicidal, I "FELT" that everyone around me would be better off if I was out of the picture. I look back on that now realizing how much that was saying how little I had when it came to having individuals around me who genuinely had the ability to see MY NEEDS.

What I did not realize is I had unknowingly surrounded myself with individuals that had to have THEIR NEEDS met and they genuinely did not know how to recognize MY NEEDS and the message I was getting was that my needs were a huge inconvenience.

Most people that have this challenge tend to ask a question and express a challenge and end up having to end that request with "Sorry". Or, what a person can experience is some kind of deep anticipation that when they do make it a point to share their challenge or even their opinion that they will end up getting criticized or even punished or even that they might face "silence" too, not one response or acknowledgment.

It's no wonder "animals" can be so therapeutic because animals appreciate a lot more than human beings do.