I think you missed me saying that the situation is not ideal. Yes, a boundary has been crossed. But just like my mother cannot look back and try to picture what might’ve happened if they had stayed in China 24 years ago, I cannot make a difference about what has already happened in that regard. What I can (and probably should) do is encourage my mom to keep my sister out of it, as any discussion from this point on is likely to be about her plans and how they will shape up.

Believe me, I can’t count how many times I wished for a dad who was capable of listening to my problems and empathizing and offering advice based on his experience... but again, that’s not something I can change. To imply that I get a high of sorts from “power” over him is greatly inaccurate and, while I can see how you might have reached that conclusion from reading this and from your past experiences, it really shows how different things can look when viewed from other people who haven’t been there for the full journey.

I think you are also overestimating my mother’s capability of keeping something like this under wraps, which is why you might judge her too harshly. You also don’t really understand our relationship, and how we value family. For me to essentially tell her that I don’t want to hear about her struggles anymore, go find somebody else would be highly rude and damaging to her. It already has been. Heck, I’ve felt bad enough from the times I’ve told her subtly that I am really not the best person to talk to about these things, and all it ever results in is my mother feeling more isolated. And cutting myself off from my family is not an option. If she doesn’t want to find a therapist, then I can’t force or “control” her into doing so. She is not the type to mislead me like how you’re suggesting... though she may genuinely be mistaken. But I don’t know how the culture surrounding mental health in the medical field is here and, you probably don’t either. I do think that it’s possible for employers to get around laws through subtlety, so it’s not something I can write off as a possibility. The way she talks implies that this has happened before.

We’ve had discussions about getting my father help, but alas, they have clearly never come to fruition. I think perhaps because you’ve had experiences with your mother being deceitful, you keep trying to suggest that mine is doing the same. But that’s really not how our relationship works, and she has my trust for a reason. Still, I’m glad and grateful to you for bringing it up, because I needed to compare it to what I know and think to myself that this is different. Please don’t worry because you think I’m taking this too lightly or making too little of it - yes, children can exhibit similar behaviors that they saw from their parents, but they can also learn from their parents’ mistakes. I can’t change the fact that I am in this, but I don’t have to carry it with me to the future and my own kids.