I feel like I am a bad person for needing T to answer all of these questions. I feel that I am just mental defect, a dysfunctional idiot, and that the reason T didn't respond to what I said last week was that what I said was just a who cares situation and not an issue to be discussed. I keep feeling like if I can just get all of this situated so I have a narrative, I'll be able to go back to making progress. I honestly believe this as it has worked before. And I worry that getting better is not an option, that I will be living with this the rest of my life.

This is all so humiliating, petrifying, an just plain devastating. I want to just give up on myself and just shut the **** up. As hard as I try, it is really hard to like myself. What is driving me crazy might not be real.