the suicide of a professor in Arizona (no, didn’t know him) in April. Then eventually ended up on his blog reading his suicide post.

There are a number of similarities between us. He’d felt like a misfit since childhood, and I am an objective misfit myself. We have the same Myers-Briggs type (which is especially rare in women, adding to misfithood). Neither of us can lie about the quality of someone else’s work just to get along.

But what he said early in his post is something I feel very strongly: “I was done, but my body wasn’t.”

I’ve told you I had a list of legal things to do before I took that option, and I would also only do it outside the academic year. Has it occurred to you that that’s a matter of months away, and the things on my list are all done except one that is very easy to do?

I told you the deciding factor would be if I felt my life had improved. Guess what I don’t feel?

I hope you remember, because I don’t feel like playing Groundhog Day with you again.