well my anxiety peaked today repeatedly so I took 1.25 mg olanzapine. I usually would want to wait till the evening but it was getting out of hand. If I have to take rexulti and olanzapine I might as well just take olanzapine. They are both antipsychotics. Well I will take another month of the rexulti and evaluate then to give it time. Maybe today is just a bad day. Tomorrow is my probation meeting. It warmed up over 22 C in one day today from the low at night. It has been brutally cold in Canada. I have thoughts of going into assisted living if they will take away my license and that may be the best course for everyone at that point.

I've reasons to be anxious but alas no real reason. my anxiety has outlived any given situation.

this bipolar disorder or schizoaffective, whatever it is, is not something I had hoped all my life to get, or 'deserved' for any moral failings I did always live my life according to
a certain degree of common sense but lately that had failed me and I broke the law in my psychosis...

so it is reasonable to be sure that won't happen again. i'll just park myself at the hospital. it is better than jail.