Hi Phasma,

I will admit I only got halfway through your post...it just reminded me of growing up with violence in my family. I suspect that since you live in Hong Kong there is some cultural difference.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It is indeed very scary. It is possible to undergo marriage counseling? You and your husband, regardless of arguing or anything else, need to have an agreement that nothing will be thrown, even in jest, doors will not be slammed, and threats of violence at all will not be tolerated. Even those couple of times a year of signs of violence can negatively affect your children. And it certainly can leave symptoms of PTSD on you.

I have to tell you that the tickle fights and wrestling and "play violence" that ends up going too far is super familiar to me. My father did that to me, and now get flashbacks and anxiety whenever anyone touches me.

I don't know if it's unsalvageable or not, but I would not blame you for ending it. I think, for the sake of your vows and the love you must have felt at some point, it's good to explore couples counseling. If he won't do therapy with you, it might be good to seek a safer living environment.

Seesaw