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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
Barging into this thread, apologies if commentary is unwelcome. Peace, trust in yourself, stability, strength, confidence-- those just struck me as such superb outcomes to focus on, especially with respect to relationships. He seems really clear about doing the opposite of fostering a dependency but realizing that you need support to get there. It's like he's holding the image of a peaceful, self confident you in his head and working towards the goal of getting there.
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You're welcome to comment! I agree that a big difference with him seems to be that he's supporting me while trying to avoid making me dependent. The fact that he envisions me as being peaceful and self-confident and believes he can help get me to that place is part of what touched me, I think. Like he has faith that I can get there.
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I've read some about your therapy with MT and in this context, it may be that ending that therapy will move you towards this goal. Being in control of how and when this relationship ends will help you achieve this more peaceful state, I think. In my experience, the loss of a relationship also creates opportunities for new ones-- including with yourself and with your past. Grief, for me, has illuminated things and people I had not paid attention to before.
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I think part of why I'm conflicted about ending the MC relationship now is that I don't so much feel like it's really on my terms. I mean, yes, he's saying he'd like to keep working with us, isn't abandoning me, etc., but I feel like part of why I want to leave right now is because of his wanting me to reduce contact (and some of the other stuff that was said on that phone call). So it feels in some ways like it's more like he's in control... It's almost like I want to take control back and then leave. But I don't know how to make that happen. I guess it's more of a mindset than anything else... Hopefully T will be able to help me get there.