I also feel terrible that my kids have grown up witnessing such a dysfunctional family dynamic and hope I haven't messed them up for good. We both love our kids dearly and I guess this is why we have held on for so long, hoping our relationship would get better. Am I wrong to think this isn't salvageable? I am honestly not sure my husband even wants to try. Like I said, he has never once apologized or even owned his wrongdoing in any fight (I have apologized, made amends and grovelled like crazy). He always just says it's my fault or I shouldn't expect more from him because he is just not built to be talk-y it romantic or whatever ....

The fact that he doesn't acknowledge his bad behaviors means it will never get better! Our children have even less power to stand up to bad behaviors than we (wives) have. Recommend you tell him you don't want to stay married because you can't handle his yelling and feel like it is bad for the kids. If you threaten to leave and he wants to stay married the threat may make him address his bad behaviors. Do you have a therapist? If you do not--I recommend you consider finding one. You need to threaten (and follow through if he gets worse) to walk away if his toxic behaviors continue. Threatening divorce or filing for divorce with a husband like this will not be easy--he will likely get angry but if he does get angry and stays that way--it will be confirmation that you need to get out. But sometimes men get angry in order to get their way. If you stand up and say--I will leave if this continues---He might actually try to make some changes. You are in a very hard situation. Talk to a therapist or a friend while you are going through this. He is causing all of you and your children to have a lot of anxiety.