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I'm going to come at this from a completely different POV. Am wondering if your father's discontent is more cultural than mental health. Both of you parents were professionals in China. Your mother managed to be successful in that field in the US. Your father, not so. He comes from a culture where the male is supposed to be the primary breadwinner. He came from a male dominated society. Everything got turned on its head when your parents came here. It's conceivable that your father felt dis-empowered and emasculated after they emigrated. Not understanding the language or being able to keep a job would add to those feelings. Much of what you described about your parents' early years in the US sounds pretty common for first generation immigrants.
Please, no one get me wrong. I'm not saying the behavior of the OP's father is acceptable. I'm pointing out that there might be different root cause.
To answer the question in the OP's title - we can't help anyone who does not want help. Going to use an analogy I like. I lay a pen on the table in front of a person and point out that a pen is a very useful tool, but you have to pick it up and use it for it to be useful. It has little use laying on the table. Same thing with you mother of father going into therapy. If they don't pick up the tools and use them, nothing's going to happen. If the OP's father does not believe he has a problem trying to force him into therapy is going to be like trying to make a pig sing. (doesn't work and angers the pig)
I've seen lots of discussion of boundaries in this thread. As with the origin of the father's discontent, I wonder if we are looking at a cultural difference more than co-dependence. What is inappropriate is one culture can be the norm in another. That said, from my Western perspective involving children in the decision for the parents to divorce puts a huge responsibility on the kids.
Last edited by lizardlady; Jan 02, 2018 at 10:30 AM.
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