I second all of the above. Twisted soul who inflicted pain on you. At 19 you will have power in your life and make the decisions that will help you heal. I would like to ask you to try and make conscious decisions about how you want your life to be. Don't just let life happen to you. You are in a special place now. I hope you find women IRL to hold you, to learn to grieve what has been and use it to make your life yours, whatever you choose to do. I don't know if you are in therapy but stay there or get there. Only with someone with a lot of experience in trauma work. I know that many of the woman here will mother you. Meaning help you to accept your wonderful self and help you to feel at peace with you. And the men will validate that what happened was monstorous, horrid, and OVER. You are safe.