I am here because I have recently broken up with a boyfriend of 3 years , 3 years of a great relationship and I cannot seem to get on with my life. Crying every day, sometimes many times a day. Seems to have got worse over the last week. I have so many questions going over and over in my head despite the general missing him like crazy. I hate that he has become a stranger to me after either seeing him or speaking to him every day for 3 years.

The last couple of nights I have been literally physically belly crying not wanting to go to bed as when I go to bed I will be on my own ( have been for 54 nights now) and I will then have to wake up in the morning and face this whole thing on another day. This feeling is worrying me.

He ended it as I went around to talk about moving in together and wanting to know if it will ever happen in the future. He doesnt want to live with anyone. Ever. He is very independent. I get that. Obviously I would like to live together.

He then took this as " we want different things, you want this- I am not prepared to do it so we should call it a day"

Thing is he made this decision and won’t go back on it despite the fact that I still want to be with him.

He sees it that it is a very important thing to me.

Not that important that I would not be with him if I cannot have it.

He is the most important factor.

He has said there is no chance for us and it is over and I should dispose of his house key ( I used to come and go as I pleased at his house and stayed there half the time when my children were at their dads).

It hurts like crazy when what we otherwise a fabulous relationship full of laughter and love is now over.
I know when he told his mum and dad that we were over, they then said they were very sorry as they really liked me and then he said "So do I ".

What now??

My heart and head are screwed.
I have had no contact with him since 30th November.
It ended on 14th November.

I want to go and see him to get answers - it ended by text message, I then called him as he had said he was going to be busy that evening ( he was ) so I needed to ry and arrange a time to talk to him about it. His mind was made up, he was not in a great mood and so everything has been done without any face to face contact. His mind was made up

If I text him he has an opportunity to say he doesn’t want to see me and I will feel worse
I want to go and see him to reduce his opportunity to say no but I am too scared to go around. I used to go around there all the time.It hurts that I feel so scared to do it.
He truly was the love of my life

I am 45 he is 48.
He has had very few relationships. Is very independent, I am his longest relationship by quite a long time.

He works as a truck driver and plays cricket and I worked around that without making any demands on his time.
I love him so very very much
We had 6 fabulous holidays together over the last 3 years One was in the in the south of france in October in fact, we had such a wonderful time it truly breaks my heart.


I know you don’t have answers as such, but how can I stop my head from constantly thinking about it despite me trying to keep busy. I think of him and I just start crying.
I am losing the will to do anything.

HELP!!!!