Interesting session today. Started talking about how things have been good. Like, I'm in a really good headspace right now. Told her a conversation I had with H last night when I was getting upset, but was able to reframe my thinking. She was happy about that.

Talked about leaving yoga early yesterday. The instructor physically corrected one of my poses, which was very upsetting. I left the class shortly afterward because I started to think about CSA. So I got on the elliptical for a bit instead.

V was proud that I didn't leave the gym. I said no, but that I wish I didn't get triggered. When does the pain go away?

She said she doesn't think it does. It just morphs. She talked about something in her life that she's struggled with in her life. It was more acute at first, and she still has bad days, but the bad days aren't the same as they used to be.

I'm summarizing, because she went on a little too long. When she was finished, I said, "okay, I need a minute to check in with myself."

After I collected my thoughts and evaluated that I was okay, I said to her that we need to be mindful of something. A large portion of what went awry in my last therapeutic relationship was too much self disclosure. That I needed to check in to make sure I wasn't going to be upset by what she said later.

"Are you?"
"I think so."
"Would you prefer that I not self disclose at all?"
"No, I think some is good. I don't know what my line is exactly, but I feel close to the line. The difference between you and RoboT is that with you, I have no details. I don't want details! But with him I knew everything. And that was too much."

She assured me that she was okay, that she's very mindful of what she shares with me, especially since I'm sensitive to self disclosure.

I said this will probably be an ongoing discussion. I'm starting to actually like her, plus I'm doing well so maybe what she's helping me with is working. I'm afraid of getting hurt again by a therapist. I don't want to care about her issues like I did with RoboT.

She said that she appreciated me setting boundaries and not being afraid to express my concerns. That it showed good self care. That she didn't need my care. That she cares about me, and that one way street is what therapy is supposed to be.

Next session on Monday.