I didn’t think I’d make it through the new year. The thoughts were strong. I’m jealous of my husband being well enough to try and get into college again. I know he has about 12 years before he gets the degree he wants if he goes part time and it’ll be hard for him but I’m sitting here stressed as hell about volunteering 1x a week and celebrating a year of no hospitals.I know that’s a big accomplishment for me. Not that I wish him unwell but why can’t I just be happy for him? I know we’ll have to pay for it since he’s out of financial aid. (we had a habit of signing up for school when manic and failing out when depressed). I’m sitting here knowing I’ll never complete my degree. I’ll never really work. This is as good as it gets for me. I’ve decided to try to get my loans discharged. I waited on it because I wanted to go back to school but I’m looking at the reality that that’s not going to happen.