Just checking back in to my own thread. It has been a hard week with so much going on internally. I've had continuing physical "flashbacks" all week and a constant state of sadness but I don't really know what either of them are about and I can't seem to shake of either of them. It's hard, I have a lot of work that needs to be finished for work and I need to be grounded and present, not triggered like that. I see my therapist soon but don't know if that will make things worse or better. it might just make it all more intense.
I have a new sense of knowing about something like I can sense constellations of different traumas throughout my life span and I can "see" them on the same playing field. I know I am not explaining this right. But instead of seeing or knowing about only one trauma type at a time I can sense them in space and time in relation to each other like distant galaxies. They are far apart from each other but I have not felt them like this before. Not in the same place or plane of awareness.
Maybe the sadness is all about that because I get the sense there was so much of it. And then I snap back to me and my life and going to work and going to the grocery store and making dinner and I don't know how to fit that universe into my own world.
I am just rambling. At least I feel a bit more grounded I suppose.