I'm turning the age that my father was when he was diagnosed with the type of cancer that essentially took his life a few years later. I know that I don't have the same kind of cancer -- I'm cancer free -- but for some reason, I've been having panic attacks thinking about it as my birthday approaches. My family physician told me that my reaction is totally normal, which helps, but I'm still having panic attacks.

Then tonight, my mother called (we do not get along...at all) to ask me if she could take me out to dinner for my birthday. We have a very acrimonious history between us (see the movie Terms of Endearment and you'll know what I'm talking about); we basically just don't like each other anymore, and when I choose to be around her she goes out of her way to embarrass, shame, and humiliate me.

So of course, when I declined her invite for a birthday dinner, her snarky response didn't surprise me (I expect it now),"Well....if your mood improves and you decide you don't hate me anymore, then give me a call."

No thank you. I'd rather be alone watching a movie in my apartment then spend my birthday with the parent who is toxic to my well-being.