I talked with my pdoc today and he’s not giving up on me. We talked about how I have a tough illness, bipolar in my case, though I post here because it’s mostly just depression. I still think it’s hopeless but we talked about trying ECT again. He’s going to contact the pdoc who did it for me last time at the University. Neither of us could remember the name. In my defence, my memory of that time is a little spotty. I don’t know what my pdoc’s excuse is, the guy was one of his residents. We decided that I would wait until my next appointment to restart meds. I’m going say that I’d prefer not to use the antipsychotics because of the weight gain and I’m vetoing Zyprexa specifically. I’m not sure about Lithium, I can’t take it without gagging, but I know that’s psychological rather than physiological.

That’s part of why I stopped taking my meds. I’m gagging on all meds these days though even Advil for headaches and I’ll make myself take those so I could probably force myself to take meds again even if it’s unpleasant. I think I will have to take some sort of med with the ECT because last time the ECT was working until it triggered a mixed episode and we discontinued it.

My pdoc said he’ll find a time next week for an appointment for me though he wants to make his referral calls first.