I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I was in a similar situation, it had been about 1 and half years, and I started questioning whether we would ever be able to live together. At one point he said no, another time he dumped me but changed his mind the next day. He always said he loves me and I believe it.

But there comes a time when you start thinking about your own future, I understand you. I want to eventually live with my boyfriend. It took honest communication with him to get him to decide whether he can accept me as I am, and my own thoughts on things I can't tolerate from him.

I don't know what to say without it maybe feeling more hurtful to you, and I don't want you to feel that. But as much as it hurts, he told you that it won't happen. You wont be happy in the long run if you are constantly running back and forth from your home to his. He is SO independent he is giving up someone who I'm guessing has said he loves, for 3 years. How deeply do you think his love went if he chooses his own desires, over consideration for what you would like from him? To me it looks like he is selfish and not considerate. I would be heartbroken, it would take a long time to get over. But I don't see a choice for you, you say he won't change his mind. I'm sorry.

You are doing what you can, staying busy, but you must allow the grief to surface. Do you have girlfriends you can go out with? Also, focus on your children and their needs, that should help.