I was you in my twenties. Depressed and had never had a relationship. Yet also terrified of having a relationship. Yet also so tired of being alone. The rest of my story doesn't matter. All that matters and all that I wanted to say was that I understand. You're one step ahead of me in that you had the courage to seek out a therapy. I'm glad you did that. In hindsight I wish I could have shed the fears I had of being "branded" or whatever as needy or broken. I'm glad that that times helps you, even as I understand why it makes you embarrassed.

I'm in a different stage of life and equally embarrassed by my depression and the fact that I can't overcome it. Somehow I think I should be able to, despite all the evidence that much of it is chemical or genetic or whatever.

Don't you wish there was just a place where you could go? A kind place? A mythical place where you're accepted and you can stay as long or as short as you need, no questions asked. But I know our mental health system is not like this. Like you, I know I'm just as likely to wind up in the same place, just with more meds. If I'm lucky.

I'm new here. I hope this was okay to commiserate rather than suggest what you should or shouldn't do. I responded the way I wanted to be responded to. Sometimes I think we just want to know that we're not alone.