I think this is an excellent point. And I think it's a cautionary tale that online romances can get out of hand or over the top really quick because you fall in love with someone's words. But we all know that actions speak louder than words. And it's really easy to say things versus actually do them.

My last LDR was the opposite of yours. My boyfriend was amazing in person and then when he and I were separate, it was nearly impossible to get him to communicate sometimes. When he was in person he was attentive, romantic, sweet, and kind. When he would go back to his home, and we would continue online and over the phone, he became very inattentive, not returning calls for weeks at a time, not committing to things, or making promises that he couldn't keep.

I think, in your case, he was looking for someone to use. I know you had strong feelings for him, but I do think that his whole intent was to use you, even if he realizes that or not. Manipulators don't always realize that they are users; it's just something they do. They look out for themselves and don't really see how it affects the person they are using.

I think it's important in an LDR to spend a lot of time together before moving in together. So like extended visits where the person then goes back home are important to get a feel for a day-to-day relationship and see if it would work. When my ex would come to stay for a week, even though we slept in the same bed, I would set up the guest bedroom for him so he could have space for all his electronics, laptop, what have you, and a place to lay out his clothes, hang up clothes, etc. We both recognized that it was important for him to have some private space because 24/7 with someone, even someone you love can be irritating.

I also think that it's important to meet someone's family before moving in with them. Not that family is an accurate portrayal of who they are, because my family knows nothing about me and they spread lies about me for the most part, but it does give a window into who they are and/or their past, which is relevant when moving in together. So, before I move in with someone, I don't need to meet all their family but at least their family they're on good terms with. And I would introduce them to my mother, who although doesn't fully understand me, she has the most accurate picture of who I am, and the only one of my family I can tolerate because she's not entirely toxic or abusive.

Just some thoughts.

Seesaw