There's no recipe, and in the end, you'll have to meet different Ts until you find one who is right.

In my case, I need to know my T can handle me, with all my darkness, longing, despair, depression, simply everything. I am lucky that I have a T who can deal with everything I bring to her. She never feels uncomfortable, and I am truly grateful for her.

I have actually talked to my T about this, and she has said that there is one topic she is not very familiar with and might refer people somewhere else. I think that's what your T should do if she cannot deal with what you are bringing to therapy.