I am not 100% sure what I want but "that's all you'd know" felt like a kick in the teeth. An ex of mine died in the last year and I feel completely disenfranchised because I don't know his resting place, what he died from, and I am not able to contact anybody who does know. So I will never know. That hurts.
T telling me essentially the same would be true for him really hurt. I had a dream leading up to this discussion where he died and I went to his house (he has a home office) to sit outside and cry but I had to hide from his wife so she didn't see me grieving. The conclusion of this for me is that grief is a part of love, so if I am not allowed to grieve, how can he say I am allowed to love?
It was a useful discussion and he heard me. Honestly I would probably like to go to his funeral or at least know his resting place.