Why is all of this so hard?! T saw in my dreams an initiation, related to some ancient myth, as she was relaying the story I felt such a sense of recognition in it. Not literal but emotional. She said something like "many are called, but few are chosen." And that the ego has to sacrifice to the self so there can be a rebirth. It was all rather, I'm not sure what. But it meant a lot to me.

I wish I knew what the hell I'm doing.