I have 2 main reasons to SI:
- Because I have the thought I have to be broken (as in, my body has to be broken). SIing doesn't usually work then, because I can never do a satisfactory amount of damage or cause a satisfactory amount of pain. (I'm then trying to recreate some of the pain and disability I experienced when I was ill and the aftermath of the torture. I can't congruate the realization of all that stuff happened to me, I was that ill with I'm sort-of-fine now, physically. (My leg was amputated, but I've adjusted to that and am able to walk, stuff like that) So: I need to be damaged. because that would mean my experiences match up to the current situation. Only it's not really possible to damage me to the point I was damaged then, so it's never satisfactory no matter what I do.)
- I'm feeling something very strongly and I identify with a phrase or a word that matches that feeling. Then I have to get that out and show that phrase on my skin, so I'll (I try to exchange that for simply writing it on my skin, and sometimes that's enough) That helps a lot. I think maybe because then I won't have to think about it anymore, or ruminate about it, or analyze the phrase/feeling, because it's 'out' and literally visible on my skin? Not sure.