Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Thanks for sharing, QuietMind. I wonder why you and I feel guilty after Googling when most people don't, and why that makes us confess. If others do feel guilt they are able to keep it from their T's. Also, is it only okay to Google the T, and not their family? Or does the "it's out there so it's public" apply to their family too?
My T told me Wednesday that she hates Facebook so she doesn't have an account anymore. I know her adult kids do, though. I used to look them up but I don't anymore.
My T says I'm perceptive. I can guess when something is wrong like when I figured out about her divorce before she told me. That wasn't by looking her up.
Maybe I see neutrality as negative too because I have a need to know a lot about my T. Because of my borderline diagnosis, T said she limits what she discloses. She said it would never be enough for me because of wanting to merge with her. She doesn't like labels and diagnoses. This was one of the few times she brought it up. Also that I could be pushing her away before she pushes me away, another BPD behavior. I don't know if it would be better for me to know more about her or not. When I feel present with her, and closely connected, it is good enough for me.
Again, thanks for sharing! It was interesting to read.
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Honestly, I know I feel guilty because I feel like I've gained information she hasn't told me. Hence telling her what I found...like a confession, sigh.
Like you, I don't google my friends and they'll share whatever they want to share when they want to. I never have the curiosity to google others in my life, only healthcare providers. I wonder if it's because T feels so blank slate compared to friends, acquaintances, coworkers.
Also I googled a therapist even when I'm not attached to them. But I didn't tell them. And I googled a former therapist and didn't tell them. It's just with my current T...
I don't google her family though I've found their social media because she's tagged them publicly on Facebook. I don't have much of an interest in them, though I do like seeing photos of T with her family and friends. She looks happy with them, and I'm glad for her.
I'm surprised your T limits disclosure because of your BPD diagnosis. My T practices DBT and schema therapy as she works with trauma and people with personality disorder traits (as they often have a history of trauma). Schema therapy encourages self disclosure for the therapist, even telling clients minor "secrets". I've read several clinician books and they've a lot of examples of types of self disclosure listed, and they write about more self disclosure than "other modalities", and my T is quite blank slate by schema therapy standards in those books. They also write that many clients, especially those with BPD are very perceptive and talks about self disclosing judiciously rather than hiding things. Self disclosure is also used to show the client that T is human, has flaws too, I guess to reduce the idealisation-devaluation cycle of splitting? T has done an exercise with me where she shared two personal negative beliefs about herself. She has also disclosed her feelings about some things I've said.
She HAS used empathic confrontation about not wanting us to "become more enmeshed" when I told her I worry about her feelings and has told me that overconcern for her feelings = therapy interfering. I'm not sure that's me wanting to merge with her.
For me, like you, what I value is closeness and connection with T rather than self disclosure...
I don't even know if she's dating though! Maybe my T is more blank slate than yours in general despite how she feels clinically that I benefit from self disclosure?