I'ts been some time since I last posted here. I have improved, mostly, but I still can't say I'm happy. I'm still struggling. Not finding the person I'm looking for hurts. There's other people, but I can't relate to most of them. I sometimes imagine the places we could have gone to, everything we could have done. If it had only happened. Then I would have never gotten into a state of sadness and suicidal thoughts. But that person doesn't exist, at least now by now, and the chances of finding someone are really low.
I've been mostly on a good mood since the last days of 2017, I don't know why. It's like I entered a high mood for no reason. But I'm thankful for that, because at least I get to have some peace of mind. Before that, I used to suffer almost everyday. Now I'm better emotionally, but my problems are still there. And sometimes it hurts but I usually manage to come back to the high mood again. Then my problems still bother me, but at least not emotionally.
It's hard to think I will get out of this, it's hard to think this will stop hurting, it's hard to think I'll actually find someone. It's all I wanted. Everything would have been much better if it had just happened. Now everything's wrong.
By the way I went to the therapist but it didn't help, and I don't plan on going to another one soon.
I see people who are young and single and don't worry about it, even if they're like 27 and single, they don't seem to worry about that fact. It's because they don't feel so different from everyone else, and therefore don't have the desire to find someone that finally understands and, second, since they're not so different, they do have more chances of meeting someone so they don't have to worry about it. I know it may seem like I'm just exaggerating with the whole "being different" thing, but I am, indeed, very different. There's more to my story than what I've posted here, I actually wrote a long explanation and I feel like I shoud share it here but I can't post links currently (I need to write more replies, I think), so maybe I'll come back and post it later here.