Hello Vixen: I'm so sorry you have had so much difficulty in your life. No one should have to grow up under these conditions. To me, it seems amazing you're still hanging in there as well as you are.

I know you wrote that you've attended psychotherapy for a year-&-a-half. That's great! But, as you well know, so long as you continue trying to survive within your current circumstances, psychotherapy can only be of so much benefit.

I wish there were something solid I could offer you in the way of suggestions. But there's not. Really it sounds like what needs to happen here is for you to get away from the home you're currently living in. And, from what you wrote, it sounds as though that would be extremely difficult. Hopefully, though, coming here to PsychCentral & writing about your concerns can be of some comfort & support. It appears you're in the U.S. Have you ever tried calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline? They're there to help with any problem:

1 (800) 273-8255

(text: 741-741)

That may be another possible option for you. Anyway... posting here on PC, & replying to other members' posts, can help too. So please stay with us & keep posting.