I feel like a failure for not being able to control my feelings and thoughts. I know that's not rational but it's how I feel. I'm ip at least once or twice a year. Three times in 2017! Now that I get psychosis it seems I get sick more often. I managed not to go ip in November during a psychotic episode. I was so proud of myself. Then I started getting mildly depressed in December and it turned into an ugly mixed episode which then turned into suicidal depression. I couldn't stop crying and even started self harming again.