I am sure thinking of suicide as an option is not that uncommon, especially among us here - those in therapy.. Recently those thoughts have been very persistent for me... i would never ever mention it to anyone but in my worst months i mentioned it to t. I am ashamed of feeling that way and hope that one day ill wake up and realise that it shouldn't be an option. anyway, at first she was shocked and worried. now it just seems to be an ongoing theme in our sessions that's on standby.
it feels comforting to be able to talk about it and sometimes it is the one and only solution other times i feel like I'm being manipulative and want her to worry for me. it took me such a long time to even mention it to her and the reason i post here is because of absolute anonymity... i would never admit that to anyone.
at some point when things were even worse i felt like i need a permission from her, like i wanted to tell her that if i ever do it she should not feel responsible..
another aspect... you know how rational reasoning is mixed up with irrational. i was so paranoid that if i did give up someone would contact her to find out what has been doing on...why would I even care about it?
i did hesitate about posting this but its so confusing. it's a safety concept and at the same time such a real solution...
what are everyones thoughts on those type of conversations?