Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats
So, to me, the fact that you're afraid to share them indicates that you kind of 'know' that he's overstepping professional boundaries. Let me pause here to say: Any overstepping of boundaries is NOT your fault. Keeping you safe, taking care of you by establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries is the therapist's job. #1 job, actually. So, even if you 'kind of know,' it's NOT your fault. And I say this from experience, since my last therapist blurred our boundaries, resulting in a very negative outcome for me.
So, a couple of possibilities come to mind:
1. Perhaps he is in supervision, and his supervisor is now aware of his countertransference (which I absolutely believe is happening) and is counseling him to establish some boundaries to corral the relationship back to 'professional' if that is even possible.
2. He himself has realized that he has messed up, blurred boundaries he shouldn't have blurred, and is trying to move the relationship back to professional.
Those are my best guesses.
I absolutely don't think he thinks negatively of you in any way.
Touch is a difficult subject in therapy. As it is of such importance to you, it should've been something around which he has defined and explained his boundaries. Perhaps hugging and handshakes are the only type of touch he allows, and that is policy (or even the entire practice's policy if he's working in a practice).
The other thing that kind of springs to mind is that most friendships do not involve touch beyond hugs (at least in my experience) - especially adult friendships. Your desire for other types of touch is ABSOLUTELY OK - but maybe it is coming from some transference.
I think you should tell your T exactly what you've said here. All of it. From how his blurry boundaries are messing with your head to how his assertion of a 'no additional touch' rule is making you feel.
I would also outright ask him if he is in supervision and if he has discussed your case with his supervisors and if he has been entirely honest about his boundaries with you.
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He does not see anyone to talk about his cases, he has told me that. He will ask questions to fellow T's if need be but keeps cases info to himself.
I thought he had countertransference too, which is why the possible friendship felt so real.
As for him going back to pro, that;s just it, aside from this, he was still very much "normal" in doing things he normally does with me, I left being like but you said the whole friend thing....
I do have feelings for him, he knows it. Its mostly friendship though, like honestly, just being able to hang out without paying him would be amazing.
Also I don't actually know what he has done with me is "Wrong", I was 100% ok with it because I loved it and it gave me hope for friendship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Is his objection that you shouldn't be the one to initiate the touch? That's the only way I can explain him allowing hugs but not hand-holding/putting your arm around him.
Either way, this is confusing as all heck. I'd go back and tell him exactly how it made you feel. He seems to have been helpful otherwise?
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Mostly, at least in a support sense.