You do have a lack of family support which does indeed cause you much distress.

As mentioned you have helped “ yourself” going IP.
I have lost track of times IP. I think if it no differently when I have needed to be in the hospital for medical issues.

Try to be kind to yourself and just make small monthly payments. Bills will never go away. I owe everyone but I’m grateful I am still alive and have the option of IP when I need it.

*** hugs***