I am going to see my dad at the nursing home for the first time since my brothers funeral. Please keep me in your thoughs/ prayers. I am feeling panicky about this. My husband will be going with me. I just dont want to end up running into any of the siblings. I talked to a good irl friend of mine tonight and she said she would go with me to. I have nothing to feel bad about no matter what anyone else says. She told me that she knows everything I did for my dad... she saw it every day how I put myself out for that man in spite of my health problems. And non of my siblings ever appreciated it. Never offered a hand. They've just made me feel so terrrible about myself. And mostly out of their insecuriites with their relationship with their father. Everything that has gone wrong in their relationship with them has been my fault from the very moment I was brought into this world. I will not bear this anymore for anyone! I never deserved to be treated the way I was by them. I know this more than ever... because I know I have my friends who believe in me. They validated my actions , my feelings , me as a person. Thank God I have them and you guys here!!

Thanks for listening to my needs and to my rant lol. Sometimes I get going on a feeling here and just let it go just to get it out. Hope you didnt mind my rant lol