I got lectured by my gastroenterologist today for my weight the dr scale said I weighed 220lbs but I know it’s more like 215 bc I was wearing two layers of clothes and heavy boots (it’s freaking cold outside lol). But point is my BMI is apparently 39, which he said was right on the border of “stage three obesity”. It really hurt to hear that. I mean I know I’m overweight but I didn’t know I was that freaking overweight, to be considered almost morbidly obese???

I only made it two days on weight watchers this week and then gave into cravings I wanted a grilled cheese and tomato soup yesterday and couldn’t get it out of my head and so I just said **** it. I always, ALWAYS do.

Sigh. I always think I’ll feel better once I eat my craving and I never do, and then I feel bad about myself, so I eat more, and Feel bad about myself, eat more, etc etc etc.

I need to take the time to figure out how to make lower fat/calorie/sugar versions of my cravings. Like yesterday I blew it all so I could have grilled cheese and tomato soup, but I bought creamy tomato soup at hand so it was worse than if I had just made the regular condensed tomato soup with water. I dunno. I’m so discouraged.

Well I guess I need to just climb back on the horse and try again. Keep trying no matter how many times I fail cause one time it will stick. I’m hoping anyway.