Your post makes my heart go out to you, because this sounds really difficult -- not just sad or angering but actually frightening, by the sounds of it.

I was thinking about what I might want to say as I was reading your post, and then I got toward the end, where you say that what you do not want in reply is trashing of your therapist. From that, it seems you may have anticipated that some of us would have been critical of your T. I wonder if this means you can also see room for criticism?