Hi granite, I am sorry things have been so hard with your t.
I hate to say it but your t sounds like my t.
My t mocks me by saying I am whinging and whining and seeing her as the bad mother- that I am projecting all of my **** onto her. Sometimes maybe I did but it was never intentional.
There was a re-enactment going on between my t and I and it sounds like you and your t are going through something similar, does this fit for you?
It was something of a traumatic re-enactment. I would act like a hurt little child, hopeless and helpless and my t would take that bait and turn into my angry mother, scolding me and belittling me.
I wonder does your t have any idea of her counter transference reactions in sessions?
My t and I explored what happening for her, she got angry, felt ignored by me when I would shut down and she would react to it. It was helpful even though very painful to see that by working through this certain ways of acting and being cause certain reactions in other people.
Of course therapists should have the awareness to know when this is happening but a lot of the time these traumatic transference reenactments are so powerful and evocative that you don’t know your are caught up in them until you are already in the eye of the hurricane. I knew a lot about my ya personal life which was good and wasn’t good but I knew that she also has an extremely traumatic past and sometimes acted out of it defensively at my expense. Perhaps your t is acting out of her own wounds rather than staying present with you and exploring what is happening for you when you forget to pay in a kind and gentle way rather than scolding and blaming.
The mocking is an intervention my t uses and it’s a Gestalt intervention where the therapist acts like the client and some therapists really exaggerate it and it can be hurtful and mean. It doesn’t work for me and it sounds like it’s not working for you with your t.
I think there could be a lot of healing work done here between you and t but she will have to be open and honest and own her part in it and not just use you as a scapegoat.