The hospital is there for when you need it. It's not your fault for having BP, depression/psychosis. It's pure luck that you have this cross to bear and your sister does not. I don't think anyone who hasn't been there can really understand. I just have BP II and no psychosis, and I think I understand better than a lot of people since I've been close to 2 people who have had multiple psychotic episodes and have to be hospitalized a fair amount, but I am sure I can't really truly understand what that feels like either. It can feel very lonely when you don't feel understood, but there are lots of people on this forum who truly get it.

I definitely understand how you can feel like a failure for not being able to control your own brain. I know I feel like that a lot. It's really hard to understand that we don't control our brains - they control us! People who are not "ill" have an even harder time getting that because they don't have to fight what's going on in their heads the way we do. But this illness is biological. We do everything we can to manage and cope with lifestyle changes, medications, hospitalization when needed. It is GOOD that you have been hospitalized when you needed it. I'm sorry you've needed it, I know that sucks. But it makes you a success for addressing your illness, not a failure. Anyone who does not understand that is just wrong.