This is such an interesting topic. Thanks for starting this, Elio.

I wish my Ex-T would have been willing/able to talk about countertransference like RS's T does. Over the last few months before I left we got more and more entangled.

It would have been good to have a really open discussion about our relationship. Yet, whatever was going on was blamed on my problems and my transference. Her countertransference/s which must have been there, because things started to get really out of hand and got personal, were never talked about.

This was really crazy-making in the end. Because I kept having the impression that something was seriously off. She would deny that there were any problems, or she would minimize the (tangible) problems that I did bring up. So she would invalidate my perceptions again and again. It felt like gaslighting. Because my gut feelings kept telling me otherwise. I kept bringing those issues up again and again. I'm a bit like a terrier in that regard. In the end she got really angry. I only had the options to submit or to leave....

What I'm wondering now: Could this final rupture have been prevented, if she had been more open about her feelings of countertransference? If she'd admitted that she feels unnerved by my persistence, that she felt that we were wrestling with each other. If she didn't just blame my transference (which was definitely there) but also if she'd been open to me about her countertransference to some appropriate degree.... I don't know.