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Originally Posted by zijax
I relapsed too. It's humiliating. People at the meetings DO judge. I'm tired of people telling me it's something in AA I didn't do right. Somehow I failed the program. Hey AA, maybe You failed me! AA lowers my self-esteem. They are obsessed with sober 'time.' But AA has lots of good things about it too. It does not have a high success rate , but I have managed to put together time by going to the meetings every day. It just gets boring but they know a lot about staying sober. I'll probably go back but I'm not doing 90 in 90...surveys shows that leads to binge using. AA is famous for people bingeing when they go out.
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First off about AA lowering your self esteem...you need to look at the glass half full, not half empty. You are trying to become clean and sober. You should be proud of that! I think it's your own perception of self that affects your self esteem. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to what you were and what you are aspiring to. For any of us that's a miracle.
You may want to try some different meetings. Find ones you're comfortable at sand where you hear a good message. Try not to lump everyone in the same basket. The only thing we need to do perfectly is step 1. The main thing we have in common is addiction. As for sober "time" we ALL only have today. Yes we become wiser perhaps but whomever got up the earliest that day is the "winner" in time for today. Don't know where you found that survey about 90 in 90. I know it helped many people make the commitment to stay clean and sober. Best wishes for you!
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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