Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind
I guess I'm puzzled as to how hugs is OK but a pat on the arm, or brief arm around the shoulder = sexual ("girlfriend like"). Prolonged arm around shoulder maybe I can see that, but not brief.
A pat on the arm, brief arm around the shoulder is less intimate than a hug to me. They're all friend like, already.
My T and I progressed from a pat on the arm or knee, to hugs after a discussion. Now sometimes she briefly puts an arm around me during a hug.
I'm so sorry your T has conveyed he's not OK with the touch you're asking about. I'm glad he's not taking hugs away. I'm puzzled at him not being OK with the touch you're asking about.
Some (in my opinion, more unorthodox therapists) T's hold client's hand, some touch feet, some even snuggle clients and stroke client's hair.
Personally for me, I needed touch because I believed so strongly that "I am too disgusting to touch".
|
I feel similar QM, but also would be very confused about a therapist using touch. Some have used touch with me in a training environment and it has always increased my yearnings for more touch. I was deprived of any kind of touch as a child and now I fear it but yet crave it.
I think a t needs to be very careful who they use touch with and how they use it. It should always be openly discussed about what touch means for both the therapist and client before initiating any touch.
I have found touch very helpful. Some ts have asked to hold my hand when distressed but that was too intimate so I refused. Some have touched my back and rubbed it. Others asked me to close my eyes and touch their face.
Others have asked me to ground myself by stepping on their feet. All have been very appropriate and helpful in the context they were used.
Anyway, I am really sorry your t backed away from what he initially said he would be ok with doing. I can see why you are so upset and hurt by it.