Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats
No, actually, what he did was email "I'm changing the rules. Phone calls are now free. Call me as much as you want."
I know most people would be overjoyed by this. It panicked the crap out of me, because I thought he was changing a well-established practice-wide policy for me. Anything that singles me out like that or communicates "you're special" now scares me because of S.
In my session on Thursday, he said that his ultimate goal for me is to need to contact him less -- as in "I want our relationship to be so solid that you don't need to contact me, because you have internalized me and our relationship."
That said, I am still struggling with thinking "His goal is for me to contact him less, so I should push to contact him less." Except he also said it frustrates him when I force myself to not contact him - his rule is and has always been I can contact him as much as I want. It's just, phone calls and texting were always paid for... now we decided phone calls over 15 min will still be paid for.
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Thank you for clarifying what this change was. I too was a bit confused. My T does not charge for any out of session contact and never has (with me). She does not have a clear policy on this that I know of. I moved with her from a clinic to private practice. When we started in the private practice, the only thing she gave me was the HIPAA documents. My T insists that I can contact her as much as I want in email or phone. I do think this is part of the internalization process for me as well as starting to believe that maybe someone will be there for me if I need help. That it is ok to ask for emotional help, what that looks like in a healthy relationship, and how to receive help and not feel bad about being a burden or intruding into someone else's life.
I can see given what has happened with your ex-T how the encouragement of more contact might be a stressor for you. I think he is trying to help you see that you can trust him and not everyone is like your ex-T. I'm glad you were able to come to a more common place of the 15 mins concept around a charge on a phone call. I think that is a good compromise. I think this new T is doing a pretty good job with you so far.
oh, and regarding the "being special", I recall someone posting here about their T telling them that they loved them. At a later time, they asked their T about this and how their T couldn't love all of their clients, over the years. And the T said, that the client was correct but she needed to be loved, hear it, and feel it. I do think a good T will provide as much for a client that they feel the client needs, they themselves are comfortable giving, and that they feel is helpful for the client; recognizing that different clients have different needs.