I'm so sorry. I have similar feelings/fears about touch. I would be sickened if my therapist or anyone turned something innocent into something else; it would be like a repeat of childhood. There are ways to "practice" outside therapy, while processing it in therapy, but it's going to look different for everyone. In my case, I visit a nursing facility where there's someone I've become very fond of, like a replacement mom. She often reaches out to hold my hand. In therapy, my therapist and I talk about what happens and how to cope with what comes up for me.