Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
I'm so sorry. I have similar feelings/fears about touch. I would be sickened if my therapist or anyone turned something innocent into something else; it would be like a repeat of childhood. There are ways to "practice" outside therapy, while processing it in therapy, but it's going to look different for everyone. In my case, I visit a nursing facility where there's someone I've become very fond of, like a replacement mom. She often reaches out to hold my hand. In therapy, my therapist and I talk about what happens and how to cope with what comes up for me.
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Ya I'm struggling now with how he went from being so understanding and trying to prove that there is safe touch and its not all sexual to basically saying, I want him. Sad thing is, not even sure I posted this part yet but months ago we talked about how we would handle my dog's passing as I knew it was coming and he said for clients he does a hand hold for comfort.... he did it with me and said we could work on more safe touch when I was ready... so like 2 weeks ago we did something really hard for me with regard to my dog and thats when I felt like I wanted the hand hold, when I told him, he shut me down. It was like, all my lifelong fears of ME wanting to touch someone, means I want to **** them, were true
Yet he claims nothing has changed but how can I feel comfortable with him anymore about things like this? I'll always assume I'm gross and will be rejected.
Anyway no I'm not comfortable even trying to touch anyone, and surely not after this so like your thing is a good example but would not work for me. I'm still in such shock, because I thought he was ok with touch and he understood my fears about it but I guess he doesn't know me at all