When I was a kid, my dad was incarcerated. I'm not completely sure why since I tend to be left out in know things in my family. Anyways. He was much closer to my two other siblings than me. Idk. As a child, and even now, it felt like I wasn't really able to "love" any of my family members, so I never got close to any of them.

For about a year or 2 before I went off to college (about 5 months ago), he called to speak to me a few times a month. Calls me when I come home for breaks. Not only am I uncomfortable with speaking on the phone in general, but trying to have a conversation to a person you barely know makes it 10x worse. And now, he wants me to see him on my 18th birthday.

I'm honestly dreading the day so much. I'm already not good socially at all. I don't even have friends! The awkward silences on the phone. Ugh. It just feels stressful. Who knows how long I'll have to stay and try to smile and act like I'm happy to be there. It would be wrong and selfish to tell him I don't want to go.