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Who knows how long I'll have to stay and try to smile and act like I'm happy to be there.
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This does not sound like a fun 18th birthday.
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It would be wrong and selfish to tell him I don't want to go.
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It would not be wrong and it would not be selfish. This is your choice. Especially on your birthday!
Maybe you want to see him on some other occasion, besides your birthday. Maybe you don't even want to speak with him on the phone. Maybe email or letters would be easier. Or maybe you want no contact with him at all.
Do you have a therapist that you can speak to about your feelings about your father? If not, maybe you could see one at your college?
You could write your feelings about your father here on PC.
