GiraffeBoy I am so sorry that you are going through this. My husband and I have been there and I know what you're feeling. Just remember to keep working on your marriage so when you come through the other side you'll still have each other.

I took care of my grandmother. I was never close to her growing up and that's why I viewed it more as a job. She really did not have a clue what things cost these days. About 30ish years ago, they took out a HUD (I think that's what it's called) loan to build a new house. My grandfather was 30 years older than she and it's the type of loan for low income families. When I took over her finances she paid $120 for a mortgage payment. At the time I thought that was great, where could you find a three bedroom house for $120! Her mortage was based on income. When she died and we went over the paperwork we discovered that they'd borrowed 30K, in the previous 30 years they'd paid back 80K and upon her death my mother had to pay 28K to get the house free and clear. So in the end a 40K house cost 110K! What a deal.

That long story was to point out that she had no concept of the cost of things. When my grandfather died 15 years before she did, she had the opportunity to use his life insurance to pay off the house. She had no clue that they were only paying interest on the house for 30 years.

You have my thoughts and prayers! Good Luck!