I am very similar QM. I can express anger better when writing it. I am very careful not to specifically hurt ya feelings. I tell her I am quitting, never coming back and that I get abuse at home for free without having to pay for it. These have all had a huge impact on her and she has had feelings of being rejected, pushed away, shamed and being scolded by me.
Sometimes it helps to hear how she feels and says my anger squelches our in inappropriate ways. I agree with that because it happens in Work too.
I am learning to acknowledge those feelings of anger when they arise and not later on too.
It’s really hard because I have a delayed reaction too and don’t always know I am angry but t and I have become aware that one of my creative adjustments when I am angry is to shut down and not talk anymore which isn’t very helpful now. It’s what I had to do as a child because for my own safety it was best not to argue or show any anger.
I can slowly see how my way of expressing anger is not helpful to my growth anymore but I still don’t see it as inappropriate.
My t expresses her anger very clearly at the time and is very direct, we have discussed the impact her anger has on me and it also makes me shut down and then she feels shut out and rejected. So it’s a Work in progress.
I wish you luck with your t QM.