Hi Grasping,

And welcome on PC!
I understand being scared of counseling itself and what the findings could do to you.
I've been in therapy for 2 years so far and I'm still really scared of things that hide inside my head, scared to touch them, talk about them.

Maybe keep in mind that You don't have to tell them (therapists, counselor, whomever) everything from the beginning, you can take it as slowly as you need and see if the person opposite of you is trustworthy enough. That's completely okay.

I hope you can find competent counseling with someone you can trust & feel safe exploring stuff with.