Don't give up! Don't <u>ever</u> give up! You're not a quitter ... you're a FIGHTER. If you weren't a fighter, you'd have quit trying to find help a long time ago. SOO ... somewhere along the line you asked yourself, "Am I going to learn to live with this, or aren't I?" You answered that you WERE! That's a powerful and strong answer, Mrs. Moogles ... and now we need to work on the details.

Details? Yes ... details. You've already made the hardest of the decisions! I thank God you won't even consider the easy way out. "It" flashed thru my mind one day as I was driving in the mountains of NC. If I didn't make that turn ... if I didn't, I'd go flying into the trees and drop about 300 feet. The pain would be gone ... I wouldn't have to hear my friends tell me what they were doing and what I'd never be able to do again. The pain would be gone ... I wouldn't hurt with every single step from the instant I woke up until all the pills I took at night finally got me to sleep. What stopped me? The thought that if I didn't "succeed" I'd be in worse shape than I already was. That was the day I decided to fight! It was 1988.

I struggled with pain and fought with doctors for the next 19 years. I told them, over and over and over again, how much I hurt. I told them over and over and over again that people who take pain medicines <u>for</u> <u>pain</u> don't become <u>addicted</u> because they don't get HIGH! I printed out some (there are tons of studies) of my research and gave it to my doctors. Over and over and over again, research has <u>proven</u> that addiction ONLY happens when people ABUSE pain meds!

I don't know your background. I don't know if you've had addiction problems in the past. Is this why your doctors won't help you? Mine were just afraid of the addiction <u>potential</u>, even though all they were giving me was a prescription for 30 oxycodone ... every 3 months! It was like that for 19 years ... 10 oxy a MONTH ... 2 or 3 a WEEK. If I hurt badly one day, I had to decide to take a pain pill ... or what if I hurt more tomorrow? Maybe I shouldn't get the relief TODAY ... maybe I should suffer TODAY. I suffered a LOT until a friend with chronic pain finally convinced me to go to a pain clinic.

Here's the STOOPID thing ... I was <u>afraid</u> to go to a pain clinic because I didn't want the doctors there to think I was only after pain meds! I didn't want the third degree like I'd been getting from my doctors. I was tired of fighting to get help with the pain. I didn't think they'd help me ... I thought they'd lecture me about addiction.

I was so wrong! Sure, I had to sign a contract swearing I wouldn't "doctor shop" and would bring all my pills in to be counted at every visit. Sure, I got the addiction lecture. But I also got help! Finally, there were people who understood chronic pain ... the hurt part, of course, but also the part about the depression. Thank God for good insurance because I had an MRI of my back and xrays of my bad leg. On the next visit, Suzie (my contact at the clinic, she's a Certified Nurse Assistant ... sort of like a Physician's Assistant) started me on 3 oxycodone a day. THREE a DAY! Remember, I'd been getting about 2 to 3 a WEEK.

She explained that we have to get the pain under control and keep it there. No more "maybe I should suffer today because I might need that pill more tomorrow" ... now we were going to stop the pain <u>before</u> it hurt so much! I didn't have to explain my pain because <u>finally</u> someone could look at my xrays and MRI and SEE the pain!

I still hurt in the morning. I still take those first few steps and think I'm going to pass out with the pain. But now I know relief is only about 30 minutes away and that makes it bearable! I lived with it for 19 years, I can live with it until my first pill hits my system. It's like a miracle!

Sorry to have written a book here, Mrs. Moogles, but I wanted you to know how wonderful pain clinics are and encourage YOU to seek one out, too. They aren't just for pain either ... they'll also help with the depression that comes along with chronic pain! The only "fight" I have with Suzie is she thinks I should be taking MORE meds than I am, and I don't ... yet.

If you knew me, you'd know my first pain pill of the day is working because I've been sitting at my computer long enough to write this. I woke up this morning in more pain than usual ... the temps are below freezing, a front's coming through, and the arthritis pain scale is at High according to accuweather.com ... but, get this. I'm not worried! Today will be one of those days I take an extra pill to keep myself pain tolerable. You do know that there's not a pain medication in the world that will keep you pain FREE, right? But there are medications ... and there are people at pain clinics ... who will help you FUNCTION with your pain!

I hope this helps ... and I'm sorry I took so long to answer you. If there's anything I can do to help ... if you need someone to talk with who understands chronic pain or you just need to vent, please contact me!

Take care and God bless you! I know it's hard ... I've been where you are ... but there IS help.

GoodMama